Monday, September 21, 2009

Love Life Advice: How Dating Personalities are Formed

Love life advice is something we all need from time to time. Most women get love life advice in the form of “girl talk” as teenagers exchange secrets about their latest crush or as young women discuss their recent dates or even their wildest fantasies. In this article I will discuss how different dating experiences lead to different dating personalities.

You’re so excited to be meeting someone new; your friend assured you that this is the perfect man for you! Before you lose yourself over a new relationship, ask yourself if you are ready for a new relationship. Do previous failed relationships have an adverse effect on your dating personality? Will your past experiences sabotage your future with someone else?

Women often develop characteristics that do not accurately demonstrate who they really are after too many failed relationships. Here some common examples:

Blind Love

One or more of her earlier relationships were with men who became very angry or defensive when she asked questions. This taught her not to question her man. As a result, she is optimistic; she fails to see the warning signs even if her friends and family point them out to her. She ignores trouble as she is taken advantage of and even cheated on.

Overly Critical

She was raised by parents who were over-achievers; therefore, she feels pressured to be successful, to measure up to their high standards to avoid criticism or even punishment. She is a perfectionist; every aspect of her life must be perfect, including the man she dates. She will be highly critical and judgmental; nothing he does will be right.

A Life-time Commitment

This woman grew up dreaming of the day when she would get married and start her own family. She cannot wait to experience the love and affection she missed out on as a child. She longs to be the most important person in someone’s life. Every time she begins dating a new man, she fantasizes that he is the one. She will push for a commitment or commit herself too soon. When the relationship fails, she will wonder if she missed out on happiness by losing the man who was to be her soul mate.

Self Esteem and Self Respect

This woman is overly accommodating and eager to please. Because she feels that she has so little to offer to a relationship, she is willing to go along with whatever a man wants, just so he will date her. As a relationship progresses, she finds that she is second priority to his friends, family, maybe even his wife! Her lack of self respect and low self confidence are a result of her giving in to his needs every time.

Stimulated by Turbulence

Perhaps this woman dated some men who were abusive, physically as well as emotionally. Instead of becoming fearful of men, this treatment was a turn-on. She loves the competition and drama as she continues to date the wrong type of man. She is stimulated by the difficult, turbulent times. She might even go after someone who is already involved in a relationship just to see if she can win him over.

Fearful and Suspicious

Here is another woman who has experienced abusive relationships. She has been on an emotional rollercoaster and hasn’t dealt with her own personal issues as they are played out in a new relationship. She is devastated by problems in her new relationship as she overreacts or becomes depressed. She has great difficulty with trust and she is unable to move on.

Suffocating

This woman was brought up in a household where women served men. She might have been made to do things for her father, brother, or other male family members. As a result, she neglects her own needs while focusing on nurturing her man. She tries to completely take over, meeting his every need, becoming his life coach, mothering him to the point of suffocation.

Ball and Chain

Early in her dating days, she trusted him when they spent time with other friends or activities, just to later find out that he was cheating on her. Now, this woman is paranoid that her man will leave her for someone else. She is constantly checking up on him and trying to discourage him from spending time with his friends. When the relationship ends, her suspicions are confirmed and her future relationships are doomed.

Alone and Lonely

She has had enough relationships with men who were abusive, defensive or afraid to commit, so now she will keep her distance. She has been hurt so much that she builds a protective wall around herself. She wants to start over but she finds it difficult to lower her guard and see the good qualities in men she meets. She may even believe the good qualities are lies and that everything is sure to go bad if she lets him into her life.

What is holding you back from enjoying a healthy love relationship? Can you relate to any of the women described above? Don’t worry; most women have fit into one or more of the above described personalities. No one is perfect; this is all part of growing (not necessarily growing up, but personal growth).

Say Hello to K’Lei, a personal life coach who offers love life advice to women and men who have been hurt in previous relationships or who want to enhance and solidify their own love relationship. K’Lei provides telephone coaching for clients nationwide or personal, face to face coaching for local clients.

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